Victory's Motivational Newsletter

Issue No. 5   Mar 14, 1996

by Victory Crayne

Our Motto: Life IS an incredibly beautiful experience!

You can download a ZIP version here.

Table of Contents:

    Review of key ideas from the last issue
    Warm up
    'Who You Are Makes a Difference'
    Hugs
    Review of key ideas
    Two challenges

Review of last issue

    In our last issue, we discussed how to tap into the enormous
    power of the 'Infinite Intelligence' in your subconscious
    mind. We discussed three methods of talking to this part of
    your mind: meditation; commands you give to your subconscious
    mind just before going to sleep; and affirmations.

    Then I explained how you could design your own highly
    personalized affirmations in twelve steps, with examples.

    Did you take up the two challenges I offered to you? The
    first was to create three personal affirmations that
    concentrate on some strengths or mental focus you wish to
    have. The second was to be done when you go to bed. I asked
    you to try asking your subconscious mind to work on solutions
    to one or two problems you face.

    If you took those challenges, I am sure you are enjoying
    learning how you can develop yourself to become the kind of
    person you want to be.

Warm up

    Welcome to the fifth issue in this series of lessons on
    mental tools to motivate yourself. It has been a great source
    of pleasure for me to see how the use of these tools has
    helped so many people. It is my personal desire to give to
    you the kind of skills I believe is your birthright. You are
    part of the most fantastic species on this planet and you
    deserve to learn how to tap your tremendous potential.

    As we approach the end of this millennium and look back over
    the past ninety-six years, it boggles the mind to see how far
    mankind has come in both technology and in learning about
    ourselves.

    At the beginning of this century most of the people of the
    world lived under dictatorships. Large numbers of people died
    from diseases that are just memories today - polio, scarlet
    fever, malaria, yellow fever, smallpox, etc.

    Two major world wars took the lives of tens of millions of
    people. We saw the birth - and death - of communism as a
    world threat.

    In 1900 no human being had ever flown in a device that was
    heavier than air. Except for Jules Verne, no one had dreamed
    of going to the moon. Most of the civilized world did not
    have electricity in their homes!

    Computers? IBM had only developed to using punched cards.
    Organ transplants? You've got to be kidding! If you got
    cancer, your time was simply up. The average life expectancy
    in most nations was under 50 years, often under 35 years.

    Now look at us. Not only do we have access to much better
    medical care, but the threat of war is almost gone in most
    places of the world. In many nations, the average life
    expectancy is approaching the mid-seventies!

    As a species, we may rely on technology and political changes
    to improve life in general. But as an individual, you have a
    personal responsibility to learn how to improve yourself.
    That is what this newsletter hopes to do - give you more
    knowledge of how to improve your own life regardless of what
    is going on around you.

    One critical part of your life is your relationship with
    others. In this issue, we will focus on how to improve your
    emotional life.

    Not all of us have had an easy start in life. Here is one
    true story from my friend Ms. Helice Bridges on a method of
    relating to others that helps.

'Who You Are Makes a Difference'

    A teacher in New York decided to honor each of her seniors in
    high school by telling them the difference they each made.
    Using a process developed by Helice Bridges of Del Mar,
    California, she called each student to the front of the
    class, one at a time. First she told them how the student
    made a difference to her and the class. Then she presented
    each of them with a blue ribbon imprinted with gold letters
    which read, "Who I Am Makes a Difference."

    Afterwards the teacher decided to do a class project to see
    what kind of impact recognition would have on a community.
    She gave each of the students three more ribbons and
    instructed them to go out and spread this recognition
    ceremony. Then they were to follow up on the results, see who
    honored whom and report back to the class in about a week.

    One of the boys in the class went to a junior executive in a
    nearby company and honored him for helping him with his
    career planning. He gave him a blue ribbon and pinned it on
    his shirt. Then he gave him two more ribbons and said, "We're
    doing a class project on recognition, and we'd like you to go
    out, find somebody to honor, give them a blue ribbon, and
    then give them the extra blue ribbon so they can acknowledge
    a third person to keep this acknowledgment ceremony going.
    Then please report back to me and tell me what happened.

    Later that day the junior executive went in to see his boss,
    who had been noted, by the way, as being kind of a grochy
    fellow. He sat his boss down and he told him that he deeply
    admired him for being a creative genius. The boss seemed very
    surprised. The junior executive asked him if he would accept
    the gift of the blue ribbon and would he give him permission
    to put it on him. His surprised boss said, "Well, sure."

    That junior executive took the blue ribbon and placed it
    right on his boss's jacket above his heart. As he gave him
    the last extra ribbon, he said, 'Would you do me a favor?
    Would you take his extra ribbon and pass it on by honoring
    somebody else? The young boy who gave me the ribbons is doing
    a project in school and we want to keep this recognition
    ceremony going and find out how it affects people."

    That night the boss came home to his 14-year-old son and sat
    him down. He said, "The most incredible thing happened to me
    today. I was in my office and one of the junior executives
    came in and told me he admired me and gave me a blue ribbon
    for being a creative genius. Imagine. He thinks I am a
    creative genius. Then he put this blue ribbon that says "Who
    I Am Makes a Difference" on my jacket above my heart. He  gve
    me an extra ribbon and asked me to find somebody else to
    honor. As I was driving home tonight, I started thinking
    about whom I would honor with this ribbon and I thought about
    you. I want to honor you.

    "My days are really hectic and when I come home I don't pay a
    lot of attention to you. Sometimes I scream at you for not
    getting good enough grades in school and for your bedroom
    being a mess, but somehow tonight, I just wanted to sit here
    and, well, just let you know that you do make a difference to
    me. Besides your mother, you are the most important person in
    my life. You're a great kid and I love you!"

    The startled boy started to sob and sob, and he couldn't stop
    couldn't stop crying. His whole body shook. He looked up at
    his father and said through his tears, "I was planing on
    committing suicide tomorrow, Dad, because I didn't think you
    loved me. Now I don't need to."

                                      [Story from Helice Bridges]

    ...

    Do yourself the kindness of a few minutes to settle your
    emotions before reading on.

    ...

Hugs

    Wouldn't it have been better if the father and son in that
    story had hugged each other more before that day?

    We do not live alone in our own private little world. Humans
    were designed to be social animals. If you are surrounded by
    people who are not very motivated, there is something you can
    do to brighten things up, both for yourself and for them.

    I have been asked by hundreds of people "Yeah, that's all
    well and good. But I live with a family / husband / wife /
    co-workers who are no help. What do I do then?"

    That is not an easy question to answer and it certainly is
    not within the scope of this newsletter to tell you how to
    change all the people around you.

    But there is one thing you can do which will have a
    tremendous effect on people. Hugs.

    In an earlier issue I mentioned that I have met perhaps
    20,000 people in my life and have come to the conclusion that
    100 percent of them feel underappreciated.

    I believe that one great cause of that feeling is not having
    enough hugs.

    Now is the time for us to take a closer look at what hugs are
    and how we can best tap into their great power and use them
    to achieve our goals.

    When you were born, small as you were, great big humans tried
    to give you as many hugs as they could.

    Whenever they paid any attention to you and you gave them
    back that big winning smile with your bright little eyes,
    they probably wanted to touch you and give you a hug. Your
    smile was all you needed to do to earn some wonderful
    touching by other human beings.

    And whenever you felt sad, or hurt, or lonely, or very happy,
    you wanted to rush into your mother or father's arms and be
    hugged.

    In many cultures around the world, even strangers hug each
    other.

    Unfortunately, in the hustle of daily living in an industrial
    society, we seem to be too busy to give hugs. Somewhere in
    our past, perhaps in the Victorian era of the late 19th
    century, people were taught to avoid hugs. It was not
    considered proper. They were taught that they should not get
    within that very small bubble of 'imaginary personal space'
    surrounding each of us, unless invited. All this
    standoffishness in the name of civility is getting us nowhere
    except lonely.

    As a result, we somehow unlearned the power of hugs between
    friends and strangers.

    I hope you see, as you develop a tremendous Positive Mental
    Attitude about yourself and the world around you, that you do
    not need to fear other people.

    As a matter of fact, I hope you have learned that once you
    love yourself and love life enough, you will want to GIVE
    love and optimism to others.

    You will have learned that the next step in your personal
    development is to tap into that huge wellspring of warmth
    that is only two arms away.

    Let me show you what I mean.

    I have a reputation of being the 'hug lady'.

    Everywhere I go, I not only bring with me my tremendous
    optimism, but I want to share it with all those I come into
    contact with.

    I give dozens of hugs every day. And absolutely everyone I
    share a hug with responds with a very pleasant smile indeed!

    Let me pause for a moment and ask you a simple question:

       Do you feel you have all the appreciation you want or need
       in life?

    Very few people say 'yes' to that.

    Nearly all of us would like to have more appreciation. That
    is one of the secrets of Dale Carnegie's famous book "How to
    Win Friends and Influence People".

    Well, one of the most rewarding and satisfying ways to
    appreciate another human being is through a hug!

    Psychologists say we need at least twelve hugs a day for our
    best emotional health. If you are not feeling in your best
    possible mood, ask yourself - have I given and received my
    twelve hugs yet today?

    In my home, I started a tradition. We have morning hugs,
    which occur between waking and 12 o'clock noon. We have
    afternoon hugs, which occur between noon and 6 p.m.. And we
    have evening hugs, which occur between 6 p.m. and bedtime.

    And I practice spontaneous hugs, which can come at any time.
    I'll approach a member of my family and ask 'What time is
    it?'. And they will respond with something like "It's 2:13."
    And I will say "Wow! It's time for our 2:13 hug!" and spread
    my arms.

    You see, anytime is an appropriate time for a hug between
    friends and family.

    I even invented the Love Attack hug. I stand back and come up
    on the target of my affection and whisper quietly the words
    'Love Attack!'. I whisper the words louder and louder until I
    get their attention. As soon as they realize what I am
    saying, I open up my arms very wide and put a big smile on my
    face and we embrace.

    It is the unplanned hugs that have extra value.

    All these games around our house makes the sharing of hugs
    very easy. I am also happy to report that our home is full of
    love between all of us. Wouldn't you like your home to be
    like that too?

    Unfortunately, some of us need a little guidance in HOW to
    give hugs. "What?" you say.

    Do you every notice how warm you feel toward the other person
    when you share a really good hug?

    Let me ask you: When you give hugs, do you give the better
    kinds of hugs?

    Some people, afraid of human closeness, try to minimize the
    experience, as if they are being forced into a hug, by
    keeping it short and brisk. They give what I call the 'bump
    hug'. They spend as little time as they can in physical
    contact. It seems they only bump into you. Pity! That does
    not provide enough time for that special transfer of human
    psychic energy that come from hugs.

    Ever had a 'bear hug'? Not fun, right? Don't you wish you
    could tell those men who give hugs that almost crush your
    bones that they are too frightened and need to relax a
    little?

    And my friend, NEVER PAT the other person on the back. They
    are not your family dog!

    But how do we make the best hugs, in order to get the best
    results? It's simple.

    Before you are going to offer a hug, start with a big, open,
    and friendly smile. Look in the other person's eyes and say
    something appreciative, like "Hey, have we had our hug yet
    today?"

    Make the other person feel comfortable during the hug.

    If you are much taller than the other person, squat down a
    little. It is painful to the other person to have their head
    forced upward against your chest.

    Hold the hug for at least three seconds. Anything less is
    like a cold handshake. Let that other person know they are
    special - and you appreciate them.

    If I am starting the hug, I keep my arms around the other
    person for as long as they want the embrace. As soon as they
    start to pull away I know they have had enough.

    Sometimes, when I wait like that, I am surprised by someone
    who needed a hug very much. And as our embrace extends on to
    ten seconds or so, I feel their whole body relax. Then I know
    they had a special need, indeed.

    When we break apart, I look in their eyes and say "Thank
    you."

    Can you tell which of us comes away with a new friend? We
    both do!

    If you live with other people, start your day by hugging
    every one of them. Don't leave home without a hug if you can
    arrange one.

Two challenges

    As we come to a close in our sharing today, I offer two
    challenges to you.

    Your first challenge is to tell someone close to you that you
    love them. Like the boy who was planning on committing
    suicide, those close to you need to hear you say the magic
    words 'I love you.'

    Your second challenge is to hug three relatives or friends
    AND hug three strangers or casual acquaintances. That's at
    least six people. Remember: you need to give and therefore
    get twelve hugs a day for your best mental health.

    If you live alone, this is especially important. Try to get
    out and hug people. Hugging your pet can help too, but
    hugging humans is critically important.

Review of key ideas

    I hope that you have gained something beneficial in this
    visit of ours.

    We started off with a visit to a school in New York and saw
    how giving recognition to others can be a rewarding
    experience. For the boy in our story, it was even a life
    saving experience.

    To help you gain more happiness in your life, I shared with
    you some ideas on the meaning and power of hugs. For your own
    mental health, you need to give twelve hugs a day. I am sure
    you will enjoy every one of them. You are human. You need
    hugs, as do the people around you. It's just that simple.

    Do you accept my challenge to tell someone close to you that
    you love him or her?

    Will you share six hugs today and again tomorrow? I only wish
    I could be with you to share one right now.

    In our next issue, we will take a look at an often
    misunderstood skill - self-hypnosis. I will give you specific
    steps you can take to master this simple, yet amazingly
    powerful way to energize yourself, speed healing, increase
    your productivity, and improve your enjoyment of life.

    I hope you have a good life until we meet then!


From the Publisher:

    The 'Who You Are Makes a Difference' story has been reprinted
    by permission from the New York Times best selling book
    "Chicken Soup for the Soul", co-authors Mark Victor Hansen
    and Jack Canfield.

    In 1979, Helice Bridges recognized that people were starving
    for recognition. She decided to do something about that and
    created the Who I am Make a Difference Blue Ribbon so that
    people everywhere could begin to acknowledge each other. She
    is a renown keynote speaker, trainer, author, President of
    HBC - Helice Bridges Communications and Founder of
    Difference Makers International, a non-profit educational
    organization. It is her dream that everyone in America will
    receive a Blue Ribbon by the year 2000. To order Blue Ribbons
    today, call 1-800-887-8422.

All articles are copyrighted by their authors. It is unlawful to copy or reprint without their permission. This issue is Copyright © Mar 14, 1996 Victory Crayne, California. All rights reserved.

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